* Life Update * Anxiety and the eternal juggle!

Well, it's been a little while since I've managed to sit down and take five to write a blog post on my own blog. Life it seems has got just a little bit crazy. I think most of my blog readers (if there are any of you left!) will know that back in May 2015 I took the plunge and started my own social media management and PR consultancy. It was a big gamble for me, and something I had been considering for a long time, it was super scary to leave behind a career in teaching, but in my heart of hearts I knew it was the right thing to do. Fast forward almost four years, and I'm very pleased that the business is going from strength to strength. I'm super fortunate to work with some amazing people, have a lovely full list of clients and most importantly, I am making a career that works better for me and my family. 

I'm very lucky that on the whole I do enjoy my work; I love the challenge, to feel useful and to be creative, I like being uber organised and having a daily 'to do' list, and most of all I like the freedom of being my own boss, working my own hours to suit family life, and of course, earning a living in the process!

The major down-side however to this self-employed life I now lead, is how much of a time-sucker it is, and how much more of a juggle my life has become. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out that juggling two kids (one who is still at home full time with no childcare), one at school and all that entails, plus a career that currently consists of working for/on 11 different clients/projects, a house to clean, clothes to wash and relationships to maintain, that life is full on and sometimes I feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going. It has also meant a LOT less time for myself, far less time to cultivate my many varied interests and hobbies, and in turn hardly any time to pour into my own blog and social media. 

What is it they say about plumbers having the worst heating in their own home, and electricians having broken lights and appliances? It's like that with me - I spend so much time doing everyone else's blogs, social media platforms and PR, that I have no time, energy or inclination left to do my own!

I don't want my little corner of the internet to die a death though, and so I am going to try to find time to readdress the balance a little, and fit in some chunks of time for myself again. I need it. I've come to realise the longer I am without it that I crave an outlet, albeit this blog, or a creative project for myself (I love crafting/sewing etc) and I need some of it back in my life pronto. Not just for my own enjoyment but for my own mental health too, which has definitely been suffering lately. 

I read something on a Mental Health Awareness page on Facebook the other day which said... 

Illustration by the talented Beth from Doodlebot Illustration (@doodlebotillustration on Instagram)

"We get told to put on a brave face...but sometimes the bravest thing is to take the face off." 

and it really resonated with me. My whole life I've been the Queen of Putting On A Brave Face - stiff upper lip and just get on with it - power through, man up, just keep going, and in turn I've learnt the hard way that sometimes you just can't - you hit a metaphorical wall and you burn out. Over the years I have learnt to recognise the signs of that burn out - and at that point I try and give myself a break: I attempt to avoid stressful situations and emotional triggers for the anxiety I often deal with. Today I hit the wall. I was in tears before 8am because I just couldn't ask the kids for the 20,000th time to get dressed or put their shoes on, or finish their breakfast...I am tired (even after 9 hours sleep last night, which for me is unheard of), I'm worn down, fragile, over emotional, on the edge - and if I don't do something to readdress things I will topple down the rabbit hole I've been down too many times before. 

So this rambling blog post is my first attempt in a while of taking off my brave face and saying 'I'm not really okay at the moment'. I know I need to be proactive about making myself feel 'more myself' and getting my mental and physical health back on track. 

I had a bad shoulder injury for most of last year which really took its toll on me - and this paired with my already terrible lower back (3 slipped discs, joy!) has been hard to bear at times. The constant pain, and being consistently uncomfortable grates and grinds on my physical and mental wellbeing too, as well as the juggle of everyday life. 

Annoyingly, the same shoulder now seems to have some sort of pulled muscle (separate to my injury last year) which in turn is causing inflammation and a trapped nerve down my arm - with all sorts of weird sensations and pins and needles down my right arm. As you can imagine, this is not helpful when you spend a large proportion of your time working at a computer and chasing after small children. It's also not great for someone like me who suffers from quite bad health-related-anxiety (stemming from when my son Bert got incredibly sick with sepsis when he was 18 months old) ever since then I've had some major issues around illness, getting sick and the worry that either the kids, Liam or I will fall ill. So having unexplained pains and symptoms I've never experienced before, has set off a whole new bout of anxiety related to illness which at times can be very hard to deal with/escape from. 

Of course, I've seen the GP and he reassures me the shoulder symptoms are most likely caused by a pulled muscle from working out or swimming, or a combination of the two, and that rest and Naproxen will do the trick eventually, and I know I have to have faith that they know what they're talking about, but logic doesn't come into it when anxiety knocks, and so I work hard every day to keep it at a level, and to not let it take over. 

As well as readdressing the balance for my mental healths sake, I also want to get my physical health back on track - so I have started using My Fitness Pal calorie counting app again, to get some more control back with my diet and to ensure I'm making better choices and hopefully shifting some tiber in the process. Since having Connie two years ago I have crept up to a UK size 14/16, and I'd love to get back into my size 12 clothes again! I have a whole wardrobe of nice things that are uncomfortable or won't zip up, and that's doing nothing for my confidence/happiness and in turn, my mental health. And so for me, I need to make some changes - work is important, and very necessary, but so is my health and happiness and I need to find a way to make it all work together in harmony as best I can. I've had two weeks off of the gym now, and will likely need another week or two, and then I also hope to get back to my twice weekly gym sessions, which are a big factor in keeping my mental health balanced and on-track. 

The final thing I wanted to get out-there was the topic of mum-guilt. God it is such a real thing, and I struggle with it daily - am I a good enough mum? Am I attentive enough to them? Do I work too much? Do they think I'm neglecting them when I'm doing emails and working for clients while they play or watch the TV? Should I work solely when Bert's at school and Connie is napping and then leave the rest until they are in bed, and in turn lose my evenings with Liam? Do I worry about housework too much? Do they think I am obsessed with tidying and washing? Argh! Daily guilt that genuinely does the rounds inside my brain! I know from talking to friends that I am by no means alone in this, and most working parents deal with the same feelings and emotions on a daily basis. But it is so hard to 'have it all': a family, a career, a happy relationship, friendships, a home you're proud of and your own mental health in tact - it take so much work and cultivating - perhaps it's elusive? A big lie we tell ourselves is absolutely achievable when perhaps realistically it isn't and something has to give!?

Whether elusive or not, I am pledging to work harder to get back on track in all aspects of this busy/crazy juggle mum-life. 

And I wanted to reassure anyone out there still reading that I still care about this corner of the internet and the community we made - I've just been very time-poor and floundering a little. 

Let's hope this is the start of a more balanced chapter. 

Mrs B

xxx

Body Positivity - weight loss, weight gain, having babies and learning to accept and embrace my post baby body! *Skirtini Review*

Today I wanted to talk a little about body acceptance, and body positivity...it's a broad subject and there's loads I want to say but for today I'm going to keep it simple, a bit of a mind dump - on how I'm feeling currently about my body, and what I've been doing to improve my confidence, and feel more positive about what I see in the mirror. 

Firstly, a little back story for those who aren't familiar with my history. All through my childhood I was overweight - food was always a comfort, a celebration, a treat, a consolation: whatever emotion I was feeling, food was my crutch. In my teens and for most of my twenties, I weighed around 17 stone, and wore a UK size 20. I felt unfit, self conscious and was obsessed with food, portion size and did little exercise. On my exterior I was confident - your token funny fat girl; an actress, a performer, but inside I was far from confident, I would berate myself for my appearance, my weight, the lumps and bumps, and pretty much without exception I hated everything I wore. I felt quite out of control and the negativity swamped me on a daily basis. 

Liam and I in 2010

Skip forward a few years to my late twenties - and I managed to drop a few stones in time for my wedding day - I felt a lot better, much fitter and healthier,   happier and more confident - and I had got down to a UK size 16 - the smallest I'd ever been as an adult. Then I suffered a miscarriage on my honeymoon, and I turned to food once more - piling on a stone or so, before finally falling pregnant with my son Bert, who is now 5. 

On our wedding day

Pregnant with Bert in 2013 

A few months (yes, really) after Bert was born. 

After Bert was born, I found I had ballooned back up to 17 stone, and was again feeling lethargic, unhealthy and very unhappy about my body. My husband Liam had also piled on a lot of weight, so together we embarked on a massive life overhaul - calorie counting every mouthful of food, learning about portion control, healthy choices, adding in exercise to our daily routine, and arming ourselves with a whole new repertoire of healthy from scratch recipes. Over the course of 2.5 years we shed over 11 stone between us (6st 9lbs from me alone) and I slimmed down to 10 st 6lbs and a small UK size 12. 

At my lowest weight in April 2015

11 stone shifted and feeling great! 

I maintained that lowest weight for a few weeks, and then found my 'happy weight' at around 11 stone - although this might be a big weight for some, for me I felt confident, happy, sexy, curvy and I fitted perfectly into my new size 12 wardrobe. A few months later I fell pregnant with my daughter Connie, who is now 2. Throughout that pregnancy I gained just over two stones - and two years later, I still haven't shifted them!

That's not to say I haven't tried to shift them - I've been making a consistent effort to stay on track with my food and exercise, I've been mostly eating well and keeping up my twice weekly gym sessions, I've been fitting in lots of power walks with my mummy friends and I have worked hard at keeping my portions controlled. I still mostly cook great food from scratch - but I haven't been calorie counting, I decided to stop in a bid to step away from that obsessive way of controlling food, and trying to apply what I learnt through those two years of obsessive calorie counting to everyday life, without crunching the numbers.

I have been enjoying treats, snacks and 'little extras' frequently enough that although I haven't piled on any more weight since Connie's birth, I haven't lost any either. It's frustrating, but I know why and I know if I pushed harder, cut the frequency of snacks and treats, that it would start to come off. I've moved up a dress size to a size 14, although I can still wear a fair amount of my size 12 wardrobe too, but my goal is to get back down to my happy weight, where I can confidently fit back into 100% of wardrobe of lovely clothes, and feel my healthiest/happiest and most confident - it also puts me at a much healthier BMI, which although many don't agree with, is something medical professionals still use - and 11st is a weight I have been at before and I know 'works' for me. 

That being said, I don't hate what I see in the mirror anymore, which means that desperation and determination I used to feel when I looked at my body is nowhere near as strong - perhaps another reason why the weight isn't coming off like it did previously? I am slowly learning to embrace, accept and be more positive about my changing body. Over the years it's been fat, thin, birthed two babies, miscarried a very wanted baby, had broken bones, scars, tiger stripes, and a little loose skin from weight loss. I have also suffered injuries that have over the years really affected how I exercise and what I am capable of, I had a bad back injury back in 2012 (3 slipped discs) which is an ongoing issue I deal with still to this day, and more recently, in January this year I injured my shoulder. This has put a dampener on a lot of my weight-based exercise and training, and also the regular swimming I was doing, but it is slowly improving with physiotherapy and a rest from lifting weights in the gym and swimming for a few months (boo!!!). Our bodies are a bloody marvel really - and we are all far too quick to flog them to death with negativity - picking apart our reflections and focussing on every negative part we perceive.

Instead of fixating too much on numbers on the scale, I'm trying to focus on making healthy choices, exercising regularly and practising moderation in all things. I'm keeping an eye on the scale just once a month to ensure I'm moving in the right direction, and apart from that I'm trying to embrace my curves, accentuate my best-bits and celebrate how far I've come... I'm still a long way from my 17 stone/size 20 body, and for that I should be proud. 

One of the best ways I've found to help boost my confidence when I'm struggling is to dress in something that makes me feel great - for me that is usually something that fits really well, flatters my curves and cinches me in at the waist, which is my smallest part. 

Great swimwear can be particularly difficult to find for midsize women like me - I don't feel confident or supported in flimsy bikinis or one pieces without added boob support or tummy control - but I also don't fit into plus size swimwear which usually start the size above me at a size 16. So I was thrilled when UK Swimwear asked if they could send me one of their beautiful Skirtinis to try out.  

They sent me their Gottex Profile Cruise Tutti Frutti Swimdress priced at £109.95 to try, and I was blown away but not only how beautiful it is, but how supportive and comfortable it is to wear, and how confident I felt in it. 

From UK Swimwear - the credentials... 

Gottex Profile Cruise Tutti Frutti Swimdress £109.95

* Bandeau
* Soft cups
* Underwired
* Loose fit skirt
* Tummy control
* Removable straps 

Profile provides the most unbeatable sculpting technology in Gottex's range, and the Cruise collection is the pinnacle of luxury. Here they meet in a flattering and stunning piece of swimwear. This swimdress is a homage to the Golden Age of Hollywood, with the bandeau and twist front, and the wavy skirt, all of which you might have seen a starlet from the '50s wear. But the outer skirt section is added over a tummy control swimsuit, as you can see from the sheer material that makes up the skirt. The result is a classic piece of swimwear fashion, and a figure sculpting interior part. This swimdress is soft cupped and has removable straps.

I wear a size 14 and found it true to size. 

I love the shape of this swimming costume - the way the sheer material floats over your tummy and thighs, and the way it moves and sways with you as you move about. It feels very supportive of the boob area, even without the straps, and I had no issue keeping it up - I didn't need to keep pulling at it or readjusting it. I think the bust bandeau section is really pretty, I love the wave and bunching of the fabric as it sweeps across your chest, it's a lovely detail and makes it feel very feminine, and even quite sexy. 

I teamed it with an old favourite beach cover up from New Look in a size 12, to add a pop of colour and some much needed warmth, as it was a pretty chilly day when we headed to our local splash park last week to celebrate my little boy's 5th birthday (which was when we took these photos).

It felt great to feel confident in my own skin, and not get bogged down worrying what people thought of me, or how I looked with more skin exposed than normal. 

I think my age has a lot to do with my change in perspective when it come to my body image. Do I go around judging all and sundry on what they wear, how much they weigh or whether they have cellulite? Hell no! I'm too busy living my own life and worrying about what they think of me, it's so silly really! What has become of paramount importance as I've gotten older, and since I've become a mum, is being present in the moment, enjoying the little things - watching my kids splashing in the water, and running in to join them, rather than covering up and sitting it out in case someone was to see the rolls on my tummy or the dimples in my thighs. 

Is this swimsuit magic? No. Do you absolutely need one in order to feel confident? NO! It's lovely and well made, a great fit and flattering - but it's got a hefty price tag too, and so it won't be within everyone's price range, but there will be a swimsuit, bikini, tankini, swimdress or skirtini out there which will flatter your shape (whatever that shape might be) and will make you feel fabulous - whether it's this one, or one that is more budget friendly - and it is worth shopping around until you find 'the one'. 

This swimsuit will fit and flatter me, even if I drop some weight as it is very form fitting, and so I'm hoping will last me a very long time (which will then mean it warrants its price tag). I feel confident that the shape and colour of this swimdress is timeless, and over the years I will be able to accessorise it with different cover ups, sarongs, wraps, hats, shoes, bags and even jewellery to fit with current trends. 

So, the plan is to keep on keeping on - life is busy and crazy, and I've worked hard in the past three years to build my freelance business, which takes up a lot of my time and energy. As well as, of course, looking after both our brilliant kids (Connie full time/Bert goes to school) and I even attempt to find time to blog when I've get a moment too - so I don't have the luxury of time or the headspace available to obsess over my weight anymore, or to worry about how long it might take me to reach my goal, but as long as I'm taking small steps in the right direction health & fitness wise, then I'm happy!

The Future

I am so excited at the prospect of getting back into every item of clothing in my wardrobe, it is such a motivator for me. I'm also excited to improve even more on my fitness levels, challenge myself and build the strength back up in my slowly recovering shoulder. I can't tell you how thrilled I will be to get back to my brilliant personal training classes with my ace PT Matt. 

In the meantime, I will not be berating myself for enjoying a treat here and there, I will not pick apart my reflection (especially in front of my children) I will celebrate my brilliant body, accentuate the bits of my body I love and flatter those bits that challenge my confidence. I will live life, and will not let my shape, weight, size, or perceived imperfections cut me off from embracing life. 

All bodies are brilliant, miraculous and worth celebrating. 

I was gifted the above swimsuit in return for my honest opinion of it, which I have shared in the above post. 

How to Stay Organised When You Work for Yourself from Home

Why not ^^ Pin This ^^ for later?

I have been self-employed for three years now. I started my social media consultancy off the back of this very blog and what I'd learnt while building this small corner of the internet for myself. 

The business was born out of a need to contribute some income to our household after 18 months on maternity leave from my full-time teaching position of 7 years. I knew it was a job I couldn't (and didn't want to) go back to: I had been unhappy in that job for the final year and a half, and it was clear to me that the hours, commute and salary were never going to be harmonious with my new family. Social Media Management was something I'd been contemplating for a while, friends had suggested it would be a smart career-move for me...and so with nothing to lose (as I was currently unemployed and being a full-time stay-at-home mum) I took the plunge, said 'Yes!' to my first offer of work... and started spreading the word and networking. 

I can write more about HOW I set up my business and established my client base another day, if you're interested. But today, I want to focus on what I have learnt from working at home for myself over the past three years. And share some tips and advice on how to stay sane, organised and productive when you work at home. Especially if you are also a parent. 

Before I share the tips, let me give you a little more insight into my situation... I am 31, and live with my husband of 6 years, our two children: Bert, who is almost 5 and Connie, who is almost 2, in a three bedroom house in Bedfordshire. My son Bert goes to school full time and Connie is at home with me full time, with no regular childcare at all. I work around family life. The majority of my work hours are during Connie's daily nap-times (2-3 hours per day), or when my husband is at home to take over with the kids (early evening or weekends). It has been this way since I started the business three years ago...since then I haven't taken any extended holiday to speak of, except the odd weekend/long weekend. I didn't even really take any maternity leave when I gave birth to Connie a year into my business...this wasn't easy, but my work is something that I can keep ticking over from just my mobile phone, if necessary. Plus, I can schedule clients accounts in advance, if I know I need to not work on certain days/weekends etc. So when I had Connie I worked doubly hard in the weeks leading up to her birth to ensure my clients accounts were scheduled ahead, taking some of the pressure off. 

It certainly hasn't been all plain-sailing, and I be no-means have the perfect balance...some weeks I think "Yes! I've got the hang of this, this week the balance is right!', and other weeks I have genuinely cried with tiredness, frustration, guilt, boredom, and overwhelm. 

But, this aside, I have learnt on the job and made changes to my routine, to HOW I work, in order to address issues as they've arisen: and in that process I have found ways to make working from home easier and more balanced. 

I hope they help... 

- HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE WORKSPACE ...

This isn't always that easy or do-able for those living in houses with limited space, but I would highly recommend having an office to work from. A space which is exclusively yours - not just the kitchen table/breakfast bar, not a shared desk with your husband or kids, not just your laptop on the sofa... a bonafide you-only workspace. Not only will it help you stay organised physically - but mentally too - entering your 'work environment' that is separate to your home environment will help flick the 'work time' switch in your brain - making you more focussed and productive. 

It is also worth noting here, that if you can make this working environment pretty, stylish, a 'happy' space, then you will enjoy your time working in it even more. If this isn't possible then at least work on keeping it tidy and organised. Have a space for everything. Tidy your desk at the end of every working day, have a really good filing system in place and keep on top of it. All of this will absolutely boost productivity and lessen procrastination. 

I'm very lucky to have a home office, just off of our kitchen/diner - it is exclusively my workspace and there is plenty of room for all my work-based needs. 

 My office wall space above my desk - something pretty to look at while I work! :-) 

- BLOCK OUT YOUR TIME ... 

Look at your week and work out a schedule for when it makes most sense for you to work. For me, this is during the school day while my son is at school and my daughter is napping (11.30 - 2.30pm ish daily). Then look at the time surrounding work and go through hour by hour working out what you will most-likely need to be doing at this time. My weekdays look loosely like this... 

7-8 - Wake up, shower, breakfasts for everyone
8-9 - Kids ready and school run
9-10 - Exercise (usually a buggy walk with C & my mum friends)
10-11 - Housework: tidying, washing, dishwasher while C plays, emails
11-11.30 - Snack time & playtime with C, put C down for nap
11.30 - 3 - WORK
3-4 - School run, kids snacks, play time, finish any work bits
4-5 - Play time with kids, finish any work bits if necessary
6-8 - Gym or housework while hubby does kids dinner/bath/bed
8-9 - Cook for hubby & I, eat, catch up on each others' day
9-10 - Grown up evening time: TV, reading, socialising with friends
10pm+ - Me time: reading, watching vlogs, crafting...

This loose schedule gives me a realistic idea of when I can work and for how long, it gives me set time to do the most pressing parts of my daily to-do list, and allows for overlap and change, especially on busier working weeks or when family commitments need more time than usual. I also always know there is flexibility to be had - I can get up an hour earlier to work in peace, if needed, or go back to work once the kids are in bed. I can add in extra housework, or sack it off completely if the kids need me instead. Flexibility is key when you work from home with children. 

Also, vitally, it addresses balance - within my daily schedule I set aside time for work but also for quality time with the kids, housework, socialising, cooking, exercising, time with my husband and time to myself. I don't always fit it all in, but I'm certainly much more likely to by thinking like this. 

I will note here that I genuinely know that I do not get enough sleep: this is something I am trying to address, but it is hard: years of being a night owl makes it very difficult to break the cycle. I genuinely don't want to give up my 'me time' late at night. I often don't go to bed until 1am and I know that for my health that isn't the best...still, there's always room for improvement and at least I know this is an area I must try to work on. 

- LISTS, LISTS, LISTS ... 

I thrive on a to-do list. I have lists coming out of my ears, but they really help me stay focussed, on-task, and they help me to prioritise. I write a weekly to do list on a Sunday night, a daily to do list each morning and I have a monthly list of my commitments per hour to each of my clients, to ensure I can fit everyone in. I get a lot of pleasure from ticking off each item on my list and there is no better feeling than a fully completed list at the end of the day/week/month. I keep my daily list on a notepad at the side of my laptop, my weekly list in my in-tray to glance at whenever I need to and my monthly list is attached to wall of my office for a constant visual reminder of what I'm working on/aiming to achieve. 

- ORGANISE YOUR WORKSPACE ... 

This probably goes without saying, but staying physically organised for me is absolute key to making my business work. I juggle multiple clients on a daily basis (currently 9 and counting...) and so I have to ensure I keep my working environment well-organised: this includes a notebook for each client (I'm a pen & paper girl and a self-confessed stationery addict, despite being a social media manager!) and then I keep separate virtual folders for each client within a Dropbox account online, which again, are all organised into sub-folders, so that I can access things quickly and easily. 

Wipe clean monthly schedule/calendar, along with a framed print out of my main client colour codes for graphics work, all visible from my desk as I work. 

I have a monthly wipe-clean whiteboard calendar on my office wall, which I fill out on the first of every month with all our family and work commitments across the month - including social things, birthdays, work meetings/deadlines and a list of blog posts I need to get done that month. The whole family can access this board too and so it acts as a central calendar for us all. 

I have a 'main' notebook, which I keep daily notes, ideas, central business notes and figures in. This comes with me to every client meeting, along with the client-specific notebook and of course, my phone and laptop. I usually get through one main notebook every 6 months - at the moment I'm using this absolute beauty from Pen Heaven priced at £48.90 - it is personalised with 'Mrs Bishop' on the front and is made from real leather. Best of all, it is refillable and currently contains an A5 lined pad. It is basically my work bible, and I couldn't function without it. 

I have learnt over the years that high quality stationery not only lasts a lot longer than budget items, but it looks more professional and helps me to be more productive (genuinely!) For me, it is absolutely worth the investment. Especially something like this Palmi Large Grained Leather Journal which I will most definitely use and re-use for many years to come. 

- PRIORITISE AND BE REALISTIC ... 

This is a biggie for me and something I have had to learn over time. I am not superwoman and there are only so many hours in the day. Some days I start out with the best of intentions and then life just happens and everything goes out of the window. I do not beat myself up on those days...if the to do list remains untouched, or I don't get through as much as I had hoped, I try not to dwell on it. And simply re-evaluate the next day, prioritising the most important things at the top of the next days list. It is worth noting here that I try to strike a balance between prioritising work that has the most financial benefit with work I enjoy the most...which aren't always the same. My business-head tells me to do the highest-paid work first, for it to be the priority, but my heart wants to do what it loves first...so I try where I can to balance this... and create space for both at the top of the list. 

Ultimately, I have learnt to be realistic about what I can achieve and not over to over-commit, or promise to do/achieve things that aren't realistic for me. 

- BE KIND TO YOURSELF ...

One of the biggest learning curves for me since being self-employed is how to look after myself as well as my family and my business. I found that at the beginning (the first 18 months of business) I was always putting myself and my own needs (physically, mentally and emotionally) to the bottom of the pile and before long I found myself totally exhausted, burned out and in a bit of a pickle really. I wasn't eating or drinking properly, I wasn't taking breaks, or getting any me-time, I wasn't exercising and I felt like the many plates I was spinning were about to fall. So I re-assessed and made some simple changes... 

Firstly, I joined a gym. My hubby and I sat down and discussed when in our weekly schedule I could realistically fit in a workout. I have now been going twice a week for over a year and it makes me so happy - it is my down time, my escape and obviously is also brilliant for my physical and mental health too. 

I started using a HydrateM8 water bottle every day to ensure I was staying hydrated and not just living on coffee. It has become part of my daily routine without having to think about it. I usually drink around 1.5 - 2 litres of water per day. 

I began planning my working week lunches (usually on a Sunday along with the weekly evening meal plan) and buying in quick and easy to prepare healthy lunch options, so that I would always have time to stop and eat a balanced lunch: I make myself stop for 15 - 30 mins each day, watching a vlog with lunch, or reading a few chapters of a book, listening to my favourite album etc. A definite and clear break from work. 

I always start the working week with a long power walk with my good mum friends - we head off straight from the school run on a Monday morning with our younger kids in their buggies and we walk a beautiful route around our town's stunning river/embankment. We catch up on each others weekends, let off steam, laugh and enjoy the beautiful countryside while getting good exercise. It is one of my favourite times of the week and always gets my working week off to a great start. I am home by 10.30am and still have time for a little housework or play time with Connie before my working day begins. 

- ACCEPT HELP ...

This took a while for me to implement - I am notoriously rubbish at delegating and find it incredibly difficult to admit when I am struggling and need support, but over the past three years I have learnt that there is nothing wrong in accepting that you need a little help sometimes. 

Whether it is as basic as help from your partner around the house with cooking to childcare or whether it's employing a cleaner, social media manager (Hi!), accountant etc ...whatever part of your working life that needs assistance, there is usually some sort of help and support you can get from someone. For me, my support network is my husband, mother in law, my own mum, sister and my good friends - ultimately, I know if I need their help (mostly with childcare) then they will be there for me and we can somehow make it work. 

I have client meetings on and off throughout the month, mostly they can be done from home in my usual working hours, but sometimes I need to go to London, or meet a client for coffee or lunch out and about and it is then that I will call on some help with looking after Connie - usually my lovely Mother in Law has her, and this help is absolutely vital to me running a smooth and efficient business. 

I do appreciate that I am so fortunate to have this incredibly strong network around me, and I know that I would struggle so much more to juggle family life and a business without them. 

I guess what I'm saying is, 'find your tribe' - whether it is family, friends, or people you can employ, you can find ways to lighten the load. It is not weak to say 'I need some help with this', it is realistic. 

- LIMIT EMAIL & SOCIAL MEDIA CHECKING ... 

When you work from home it is so very easy to get sucked into the quicksand of social media and emails. I make it a rule to check my emails at the start of my working day - working through them as quickly as possible, deleting trash, flagging important things that are going to take over 5 mins of work and quickly responding to/tying up those emails which will only take a few minutes to respond to. I do this again after an hour or two of productive work. And occasionally check again during the early evening and weekends, just to keep on top of things. I try hard to keep away from my personal social media accounts during work hours, as they can be a huge distraction...I might look over my lunch break, or after the school run...at times when it won't prevent me from getting on with the task in hand. Both of these 'rules' help to ensure that limited amount of time I have blocked out for work is as productive as possible. 

I also screen my calls during work time...only answering personal calls if I think they are going to be important and often letting work-related calls go to answerphone so I can make an informed choice as to whether I should deal with it then and there, or find some time later to return the call. 

- ONE TASK AT A TIME ...

Now this one isn't easy and definitely doesn't come naturally to me, but, I have learnt over the years that I am much more productive when I focus on one task at a time, instead of juggling and multitasking. This is where the to do list comes in. I try my hardest to work my way through my prioritised to do list in order, only moving on to the next thing when the one above is complete. Now obviously, this doesn't always work, but on the whole it's how I roll and it makes for much smoother working process and a lot less mistakes. This is especially important for me when I am dealing with clients multiple social media accounts, passwords, content - all their differing voices and personas. Wearing one hat at a time, I call it... Which client am I now? 

- GET UP, GET DRESSED & GET OUTSIDE EVERY DAY BEFORE WORK... 

This one is a given for me, because of having to take Bert to school every day, but before the school run began in September last year, this wasn't something I did... often working in my pjs until 1pm, sometimes not even making the time for a shower until the evening when the kids went to bed and it made me foggy and sluggish - not as productive. If you can relate to any of this then I would hugely suggest trying a new routine where you get up, get showered and dressed, have breakfast and go outside for a walk (even just 15 minutes) BEFORE you begin your working day. Take the dog for a walk, take a power walk around the block, grab some groceries or a newspaper from the local shop, go out for breakfast, anything that gets you out in the fresh air for a little while. For me, my 'go outside' is the school run and often a walk with friends...but whatever it is, it will ABSOLUTELY make your work-time more focussed and productive and you will feel more put-together, professional and like you have achieved more in your day. Honestly, try it. 

- RECORD HOW YOU SPEND YOUR WORK TIME ... 

This one may only apply to social media managers, or people juggling multiple clients, but where possible I try to record how I spend my work time - I set myself alarms for 15, 20, 30, 45 or 60 minutes on my phone, depending on how long I want to spend on a set task on my to do list, and I then try hard to stick to that time limit. I know in advance each month how many hours I have committed to for each of my clients, and this helps me to ensure not only that I give them those agreed hours, but that I don't over-deliver and end up working for free! If I am being paid to work for a client for 3 hours per week, then I try hard to stick to only giving them those three hours of my time. It is amazing how this can snowball and before you know it, you've spent double the time working on something without realising. I keep a note at the end of each work session of what time I've spent doing what, so at the end of each month I have a clear record of my hours for invoicing, which makes that process so much smoother and far less of a headache. 

- LET YOURSELF BE ILL ...

This sounds like an odd one, but please, I urge you, don't make the mistakes I did at the beginning of my self-employed journey. I often hear people (mums/stay at home parents especially) joke about how they 'don't have time to be ill' and I get it, I do, it is a huge inconvenience, it means admitting defeat and asking for help and often means losing money, or allowing work to pile up - but please, if you are ill, I mean properly ill - if you know that had you been employed that you would have rung in sick and stayed in bed all day, then be kind to yourself and rest. Switch off from work, call in help with childcare if needed and give yourself time to recover. If you don't, you will burn out, your resistance will fall and you will continue to pick things up until your body forces you to stop. I've been there and it is not a good place to be. Talk to your partner/support network and ensure there is a plan in place for when illness strikes. Talk to other mum friends/WAH friends and be each others' back ups - you are only human and your customers/clients will understand this. The same goes for when your children are ill. You will need to drop-everything at times and that is not only totally normal, but also a major perk of working for yourself/running your own business. You pick your hours, so if you need to look after a sick child in the day instead of work, then so be it - you will fit some emergency work hours in late at night, or first thing in the morning and soon normality will resume once again. 

- THINK ABOUT TAX ...

Let's be realistic, no one likes to think about tax, but don't let it creep up on you. Organise your invoices and ensure stay on top of them. I can hugely recommend Wave Accounting, an online accounting software which is free and is amazing for sending out invoices, keeping track of income etc if you have a quite straight forward cash-accounting business like mine. Set aside time at the end of every month to invoice your clients, follow up/chase unpaid invoices and file them sensibly, in 'the cloud' if possible, or ensure they are backed up. If your tax is more complicated with expenses, overheads, employees etc then I would definitely recommend paying an accountant to take on the majority of the workload, some charge as little as £30 per month, and it will be money well-spent, I promise. Ask other self-employed friends for recommendations. 

Estimate your tax bill each year, based on the previous years income and what your hours look like in comparison, and then divide that estimate by 12, and set up a regular monthly direct-debit for that amount to go straight into a savings account, so that at the end of the tax year you have the majority, if not all of your tax bill money to hand ready to pay. 

- NETWORK ELECTRONICALLY ...

I would love to spend loads of time going to networking lunches, events, dinners, meetings, co-working spaces etc - but realistically, until both my children are in school full time this is not going to be possible for me. Networking like this can also end up becoming quite a financial drain, which doesn't always pay back - so if you do network physically then do your research, ask around for recommendations and try out a few different groups before committing financially to any (some ask for membership fees on a monthly, quarterly or yearly basis and you need to know the spend will be worthwhile for your business). There are however, absolutely LOADS of free online networking opportunities through social media such as Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn. Try them out - look for your local networking hours on Twitter (we have #BedsHour on a Monday night from 8.30 - 9:30pm), find networking groups relating to your line of work, create your own WhatsApp or Facebook group with other friends who work from home for business-related advice, chat and support. By all means do a mixture of both, but ensure whatever networking you do is considered and ultimately, productive. 

- LET GO OF MUM/PARENT-GUILT ...

I still haven't mastered this completely, but it is so much better as each working week passes. I have been consumed by mum-guilt at times and it is awful. Feeling guilty every time you work because you feel as if your'e neglecting your family is a horrible way to exist and very counter-productive. You will not work at your best if your mind is somewhere else. Just like you will not enjoy proper quality time with your family if your brain is all-consumed with thoughts of work, it works both ways. For me, when the mum-guilt hits I try hard to assess the situation and I ask myself why am I feeling like this today? If in my heart of hearts I know I just want/need to be with the children then I do just that. But I also remind myself of WHY I work for myself and the vast number of ways this benefits my kids/family ...

- I have no commute, so no time is wasted getting to/from work, meaning more time with family.

- I have the ability to pick and choose my working hours, so they fit around family life and can be changed as and when necessary. I can take them to school, pick them up, go into school during the day for class/school events like sports day or their class assembly. 

- I earn a good living so that they can have/do/wear/eat/drink nice things and we can enjoy luxuries as a family. This also takes the financial pressure of my husband, lightening the mental-load all round.

- I am setting a brilliant example to my children; demonstrating a good and healthy work ethic and an understanding of how you can craft a career that works for you AND your family. This feels especially important to me having a daughter, I want her to see that when she grows up she can absolutely have a family AND a career she is proud of too, as can my son. 

I have learnt that my kids need to understand that sometimes mummy has to work - and they need to play together, watch a film, have some Kindle time, or spend time with other family members (Daddy, Nanny, Auntie) while I get things done. They are still being well looked after and nourished, but that doesn't always have to be by me. I understand that these times, when I need to work outside my usual set working hours are few and far between and although kids are brilliant at laying it on thick and making you feel terribly guilty for their boredom, it is vital in the long term that they understand A) what boredom is/feels like and B) how to combat it/amuse themselves. Life lessons right there folks! 

And so I am back to my original point at the start of this post - that you are only human, you do not have super powers and no matter how much you wish you could, you cannot magic more hours into the day. Instead, you need to be realistic, manage client expectations, be organised but above all be kind to yourself and remember all the many positives for working for yourself from home. 

Why not ^^ Pin This ^^ for later?

* I was sent the Pen Heaven journal in return for featuring it as part of this advice post - all opinions are my own. *

#ThisIsMe Campaign - International Women's Day - 8th March

Hey lovelies! Today I'm sharing with you a campaign that is very close to my heart, and something I'm super proud to have been a part of. Lovely Aby & Ceri are the brilliant women behind it, and when they asked me to jump on board by recording a song to go along with the campaign, I jumped at the chance!

Those of you who have read my blog for a while will know that I feel very strongly about body confidence, being body-positive, building up others instead of knocking them down. 

This Social media age is a highly curated one, which can be dangerous if taken out of context we can believe that somebody's social media is an absolute representation of someone's exact life. 

It is not real though - it is curated, edited, and because of that we often get a skewed sense of reality. Everyone else is thinner than us, prettier than us, has better behaved children, a nicer home, a better husband, earns more money, has swankier holidays, eats healthier food, works out more than you do..........and so it goes on. As an "influencer" with a following I've built up over the past 6 years, I feel very strongly about showing the "real me" online, as well as the curated 'best bits'. I hope my readers will agree with that - and if you too feel strongly about supporting women to be confidently themselves: warts and all, then this campaign is for you. 

About the campaign (from Ceri & Aby)
An insanely well-organised kitchen, a monochrome house complete with bouncing baby and absolutely no aggressively bright plastic toys, snap back bodies that are enough to send you over the edge. That's what makes up a good 80% of my Instagram feed.

Our personal photo's. Ceri's rough-around-the-edges home, still no pictures up on the walls two years after the renovation. Dinner. Standard. Of course, the odd selfie taken from the best possible angle and our kids. We never could find the right filter for real life.

When we talk to women about social media they tend to fall into two camps. The ones who want to crack it and the ones who want to run from it and the runners are actually a higher number than you would imagine.

In 2017 a report carried out by The Royal Society for Public Health surveyed adults in the UK about the mental and emotional effects of social media. The survey found that Instagram users reported that they often depressed, anxious and struggled with body image.

We don't need Sherlock Holmes on hand to see that the curated feeds that we follow and like on Instagram are affecting the way we look at ourselves and every little facet of our lives but surely social media can't be all bad right?

When Aby was in the midst of PND, social media became a lifeline to this new mum who was struggling to get through the day. When I had Fred I was a self-confessed workaholic. All of a sudden the work life I had most identified with carried on and I was living in a building site in South Wales, feeling very alone. The friends I made online in those years are some of the very best I have.

When Aby & I met in 2016 we chatted, like you do with your good mates, about all things in life. Our families, our mother-struggles, work, you name it. Slowly as our businesses have grown we've tried to show real life. The un-filtered goodness that we all have around us. But at times, you'll know that doesn't come easily. When we use social channels for work it becomes imperative for an image to do well, so we want to make it as good as we can. We want to reach more people with our message so we need to grow and sometimes that can take over. Who wants to see real when flat lays, peonies and the perfect angle can send the numbers skyrocketing?

Well, we do. And we are damn sure other women just like us do too, because we started to ask them and the more real we are with what we do and present online the better it makes the online space for other women just like us and the ones who come after them.

It's International Women's Day on March the 8th and it’s a special one celebrating 100 years since women got the right to vote. This year we are asking Women to join together start spreading the message that who we are right now is ENOUGH. We will be approaching key influencers and celebrities to get the hashtag spread far and wide.

To be involved all you need to do is post a selfie on March 8th and use tag #thisisme - We want to reach as many women as possible and empower them to really embrace their own personality online instead of lusting after the small squares of someone else's feed. We want to drop the clique and encourage people to get online, communicate, make friends but most of all love what they already have. We'd be absolutely honoured if you'd consider spreading our message.

Ceri & Aby Biography

Ceri & Aby run online businesses that empower women, particularly Mothers to build a business online.

Both Award nominated bloggers, Ceri runs www.thiswelshmother.co.uk a parenting blogzine for Welsh Mums with lively online groups and in -person meet ups across Wales. Aby is the creator of the Number 1 family Lifestyle blog in the UK www.youbabymemummy.com and also teaches women how to launch profitable blogs. 

Ceri lives in South Wales where she runs three businesses & juggles life with a toddler. Aby relocated to France in 2017 with her husband & daughter and is about to launch her first book ‘Blogs Change Lives’ in March 2018.

THE MISSION!

Our mission is to collaborate with 1000 women online, with the intention of impacting 1 million more women on International Women’s Day Thursday, 8 March 2018. We want you to post a picture of your face on social media with #ThisIsMe as our stand against a culture of perfection. Of feelings of inadequacy. 
Of stopping ourselves because we feel as if we're not good enough. Slim enough. Pretty enough. Put together enough.
Of feelings that we don’t fit the mould of what female success looks like. It’s our time to rise. 
To say that we are enough.  
Please add you voice & pledge to add your face on 8th March 2018.

Check out the promo video ^^ Link: http://bit.ly/videothisisme 

The song was specially recorded for this campaign by me - it is not perfect and polished, it has not been edited...it is as raw as it comes, there are flaws and mistakes, but it is me - doing me, which is all I can do! A beautiful song, perfectly fitting for this amazing campaign. Please use #ThisIsMe hashtag on all social media and JOIN US on the 8th March.

Authenticity over perfection - this is a call to action for all women, everywhere.

Mrs B

xxx